Damaged
by NoLongerActiveATM
Summary: Song-Fic! Maybe he has a different reason why he's bad, and it's not why everyone thinks. Sucky summary, story is MUCH better, i promise! Contains: Implied Child Molestation/Sexual Abuse!


**A/N: Ok, I was watchin Simpsons one night and my sister was listening to Damaged by Plumb, and shockingly, the worst possible thought occured to me..well maybe it's not as bad for you as it is for me because I am OBSESSED with him and you're not.. :/**

**But yeaa...maybe there was a different reason he's so bad, not the one everyone thinks. So...I wrote this. Yeaah. Non-graphic rape and molestation is mentioned...and some of the lyrics are changed. R&&R pleaseee**

**I own NOTHING, except for his parents.**

**Song is Damaged by Plumb**

**(:Peace,Love, and Vegans(:**

_Dreaming comes so easily,_

_cause it's all that I've known.._

_True love is a fairy tale,_

_I'm damaged, how should I know?_

He sat at their table, watching with tears in his eyes as his brother got all the love. It wasn't fair. It never would be fair. He didn't do anything wrong. Maybe, once, he said something he shouldn't have, but it was a mistake. He only said it because of peer-pressure. His brother wasn't all perfect, either. He made mistakes, he said bad things. But, yet, he never got in trouble for it. It wasn't fair. Why, he thought, why should only one child be punished for the other's mistakes? Probably because he was the younger one who needed all the attention. He couldn't, he wouldn't, look at it anymore, so he got up, and left, only to hear footsteps behind him.

"Go..inside.." his father whispered, before pulling him into the bathroom.

"What are you..doing?" The boy asked as his father tried to hold him down. He just froze, watched in horror as his dad pulled down both their pants. He lied, he did get love. But, not family love, real love. Or, so he thought it was real love. He's heard his parents in the night, the noises his mother would make, the moans she would scream. He always just figured it must've hurt, and that's why she made those sounds. Once his dad did it to _him_, he realized it _did _hurt. He tried to dream he was on his favorite show, Krusty the Klown, everytime he felt that first sharp pain, and once he felt the second, he realized it was over. He had that same dream everytime his father showed him some "love". It came so easily, he realized, probably because it's all he could do to get away from it all. Just dream...

_I'm scared, and I'm alone. _

_I'm ashamed..._

_and I need for you to know._

Every night, he felt ashamed and scared, though he never really knew why. He tried to send signals to his brother that _something_ inside him felt...alone. Apart from the rest of the family. He never knew if his brother understood what he was trying to do, and he still doesn't know if he did. After everytime his father showed him what he thought was "love", he would always run into the room he shared with his brother, and just sit. Sit in the far corner of his bed, against the wall. He felt ashamed of it. He felt embarrased. He thought it was something only grown-ups, adults, should do. And it was. Sure, he liked it a _little_ bit, but he didn't know any better. And he only liked it because he thought he was getting treated in a special way his brother would never be treated. He was right, his brother was never treated like that. Only he was. He felt scared, after everytime his dad did that to him, he would always threaten him. Always. He'd scare him into agreeing to never tell anyone. Ever. And he never did. He still never did.

_I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say,_

_and can't give back what you've taken away,_

_'cause I feel you, I feel you, near me...._

That was when he was 8. To this day, those memories still haunt him. They always will. If only he said no. If only he told someone. It wouldn't matter if he told now, his father was long gone. Dead. And he wasn't sad. Why should he be? His dad took advantage of him. If he were alive, he still would, because he's still ashamed of it. Still. And now, years later, he can't give himself what his father took from him. He wished he could, but he couldn't. Everyday he wish ed could go back and tell his dad no. But he can't. And, it ruined him.

_Healing comes so painfully  
And it chills to the bone  
Will anyone get close to me?  
I'm damaged, as i'm sure you know..._

After everytime his dad would touch him, he'd try and get clean. He'd take shower after shower, untill he finally felt clean. But, just because he was clean doesn't mean it still didn't hurt. It hurt like hell to heal after it all. Especially the rapes. They hurt the worst. After every rape session, he would always run to the same spot. When he was little, it would be in the room he shared with his brother. Now, it was his brother's room. He never understood why, but he felt he needed to be close to someone, whether they wanted to be close to him or not. Usually, they'd both sit there, together, the youngest sibling protecting the eldest one. Sooner or later, he realized his brother knew what was happening to him. His brother knew, but did nothing. He knew his brother knew he was damaged....

_There's mending for my soul  
An ending to this fear  
Forgiveness for a man who was stronger  
I was just a little boy, but i can't go back...._

His heart, his mind, and his soul were still getting repaired. He knew it, he wasn't fixed yet. He was still terrified. He was still scared. He tried not to think about it, but everyday the thoughts and memoried always found a way to sneak into his mind. He tried, in his mind, in his body, to forgive his father, but he never could. He just couldn't. His dad made him what he is today. A hurt, cruel, depressed criminal. He couldn't go back, no matter how much he wanted to, he couldn't. He was Robert Underdunk Terwilliger, and he was damaged...

**Ok, that was shorter then I thought, but anyway R&&R please(:**


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